How to Turn Your Priorities Into the Way You Actually Live
Most of us know what our priorities are.
If I asked you what matters most, you could probably give me an answer. Your health. Your family. Your finances. Your relationship. Your business.
The problem is that knowing the word is not the same living it.
You can say health is a priority and genuinely mean it. But what exactly do you mean by health? What would need to be true for you to describe yourself as healthy? What are you trying to protect, improve or prevent?
The more clearly you can answer those questions, the easier it becomes to make decisions that support the priority.
These are the four questions I use.
1 What does this priority actually mean to you
There is nothing wrong with saying, “My health is a priority.” You simply need to define what good health looks like for you.
Some parts may be measurable. Your blood pressure may need to remain within the range recommended by your GP. You may want to improve your cardiovascular fitness, become stronger or be able to walk up and down the stairs comfortably as you get older.
Then you can work backwards. If that is what health means, it may require regular movement, strength training, enough sleep, particular changes to your food and whatever medical monitoring is appropriate for you.
For me, health also includes my mental health. Walking helps me decompress, think through my day and get into a better headspace. Sometimes protecting my health means having a weekend, or even a week, that is deliberately not busy.
The same question applies to every priority.
If your relationship is a priority, what would you ideally like that relationship to look and feel like? How much time do you want to spend together? What does it look like on a Sunday morning?
If your finances are a priority, what does that mean? Paying off debt? Building savings? Knowing exactly where your money is going? Creating enough income to have more choices?
Start with the ideal. Do not reduce it immediately because you are not sure it is possible. First understand what you actually want. You can deal with what is possible when you look at the cost and your current circumstances.
2 What is at stake
Look at both possible futures.
What might life look like if you follow through on this priority? What might it look like if you do not?
If you are 20, what could the 40 year old version of you experience because of what you repeatedly do now? If you are 40, what might the 60 year old version of you thank you for protecting?
This is not about terrifying yourself. It is about understanding the consequence attached to the decision.
We check a busy road differently from a quiet road because we understand what is at stake. The cars are moving faster. The consequence of getting it wrong is higher. We wait, use a crossing or find another route.
When you understand what is at stake, it becomes easier to give the priority the appropriate weight when it competes with something else.
3 What will it cost and can you afford that cost
Every priority costs something. The real question is whether you are willing and able to afford that cost now.
If you want to spend more time with your family, the cost may be working fewer evenings or weekends. But if you are not currently earning enough, you may not be able to stop immediately.
That does not mean family is not genuinely a priority. It means you have discovered a gap between the ideal and your current reality.
You can then ask better questions. What can you protect now? What needs to change financially before the ideal becomes possible? Can you protect two weekends a month rather than all four? Can you create clearer circumstances under which you would agree to work at the weekend?
Knowing the cost allows you to make the decision before you are standing in the middle of the pressure.
My family is important, therefore I do not normally work weekends. I may work one under particular circumstances, but the circumstances are clear. I am not renegotiating the priority every Friday because another piece of work has appeared.
The question is not whether there will be a cost. The question is whether you are willing and able to afford it, and what needs to change if you cannot afford it yet.
4 How will you build it into your life
Once you understand what the priority means, what is at stake and what it costs, it needs to affect the way you live.
It may need time in your diary, money allocated to it, a boundary, a conversation, a routine or some practical support.
If health requires movement, when will that movement happen? If your relationship requires uninterrupted time, what will you protect? If financial stability requires regular saving, where will that money go before something else spends it?
A priority becomes real through the decisions you make repeatedly.
Choose one priority and answer:
- What does this mean to me in specific terms?
- What is at stake if I do it or do not do it?
- What will it cost, and am I willing and able to afford that cost?
- What needs to change in the way I currently live?
Knowing your priorities is useful. Knowing how to live them is what changes your life.
CTA: Choose one priority and answer the four questions honestly. If you know someone who is clear about what matters but struggling to make it part of everyday life, send them this article.
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